A Dark and Stormy Night

It was a dark and stormy night….

No, actually, it wasn’t.  It was a fresh, bright, balmy morning, unseasonably warm for early March in Wyoming.  I walked across well-kept grounds toward my appointment and checked my watch.  Ten minutes early; just enough time to enjoy the fresh breeze and watch the ornamental grasses dance!  I walked around the building a few times, just drinking in the sunshine and enjoying rare moments alone.  Ken was home, serving breakfast to the children, and moments of silence–even for dull appointments–are music to a busy mom.

Finally, I entered the doors of a beautiful, downtown building.  Leisurely, I filled out some forms, gazing out the window.  So enchanted was I with the weather, that when the technician came to walk me back, I chatted with her, inquiring whether she was able to take her lunch-break outside.

I had an ultrasound that morning.  The monitor revealed a large (3cm x 4cm)  breast tumor, with every indication of malignancy possible.  Walking back out into the sunshine, many concerns flooded my mind, and yet, in surreal juxtaposition, there was peace.  Somehow, despite swirling thoughts of treatments and statistics, God enabled me to still register the beauty around me in all it’s sparkling vividness.  Ornamental grasses still swayed in gentle testimony to beauty and order in the universe, and the morning sun glinted on the windshields in the parking lot. Yes, I was surprised–staggered even–at this diagnosis, but God, loving, sovereign and omniscient, was not surprised.  It is part of His design.  Just as I’d done upon entering, I strolled around the grounds once more, amazed at the blessings in my life, at my loving husband, dear friends, and the beautiful children who fill our hearts and home!  My eyes misted with tears at the unknowns, yet, I knew I was also smiling; poignantly aware of myriad joys.

I don’t mean this to sound like I’m blithely floating on euphoric clouds.  There is, however, a gift of eternal perspective that accompanies such life-altering news.   A wise friend’s note in my morning inbox expressed it so poetically:

“We understand the mindset you might be in right now… clinging to God, taking every thought captive, striving with self to not be overcome with the “What if” possibilities. Everything is in focus: the little blessings of home life, all that the children do & say. Clearly you could count your blessings from the rising of the sun til it’s setting! Oh! That we could be this aware of our standing in Christ daily. But we get bogged down until times like this come along and we are reminded that we live and move and have our being by God’s good pleasure and to fulfill His timing and purposes!” -S

My deep assurance is that God is sovereign and loving even amid the moments of just plain weariness when I’m so aware of my own insufficiency.  Indeed, awareness of my insufficiency reminds me of God’s supreme sufficiency. I’ve played the song, Worn, by Tenth Avenue North almost daily, for it captures both the gritty, in-the-trenches aspects, and the assurance that redemption wins!

(*Scroll past the video to keep reading, but then, scroll back up and hit the “play” button, because it’s a beautiful song.)

In the few weeks since that early morning diagnosis, I’ve had other appointments to formulate a treatment plan. It’s a serious condition, and we are taking it very seriously–yet, we can’t ignore the beautiful sunshine of truth that there is sense and order in this–even if the purpose eludes my finite comprehension.  God is faithful and good.

We’d appreciate prayers as we navigate the turbulence ahead.  We have a great team of doctors, both in conventional practice and in our amazing naturopath.  Most importantly, we ultimately rest in the knowledge that Our God is the Great Physician, our loving Father, King of Kings and Lord of Lords.

Dark and stormy nights may bluster, but even the wind and waves obey Him.


25 thoughts on “A Dark and Stormy Night

  1. Dell – please know that my prayers will be with you and your family as you travel this path through an unknown journey. May God bless and keep you safe and surround you His peace that passes all understanding.

  2. I want to say, “Dear Daughter”, but since we have never personally met, I do not want to be overly familiar. But yet you have my dear child, Kiffanie from The Congo. I feel like Kiffanie is my granddaughter, so you must fit in there some place. We must re-define all our relationships when it comes to adoptions through Compassion for the Congo. I almost cried when I read your post. I can somewhat identify with you as I have heard the dreaded word “cancer'” twice from the doctor. In 2006 I had surgery and the doctor thought that he got it all, but later tests indicated that our hopes were not true. On the 25th of this month I will begin living on Travis Air Force Base where I will undergo radiation therapy five days a week.for the next two months. My love and prayers go with you and your dear family.

    • Thank you so much, Pastor Wheatley! I would be honored for you to call me, “daughter”. Thank you for the prayers and love. We likewise will be praying fervently for your treatments on the 25th of this month–and beyond!

  3. Praying for you, Dell! I, too, am awaiting results of a life-altering diagnosis.
    A friend just told me about essiac tea ~ some kind of wonder root tea that has been having profound results in cancer treatments. A friend of hers just made it 7 years past a 3 month death sentence with stage 4 liver cancer. He cut out the junk foods, started taking enzymes and drank Essiac root tea three times a day, every day. His numbers are down to single digits and is declared cancer free. The doctors don’t quite know what to say about it. Interesting. My diagnosis doesn’t have a good retirement plan, but which one of us gets out of here alive~~? The bottom line is that I know my Redeemer, and He knows me. Because He lives, so will I. Life is a blessing, eternity a promise. Hang onto the Rock, Dell!

    • Thanks, Heather! Actually Essiac/Ojibwa tea is something we began right away and plan to continue! And AMEN on your other comments–life is indeed a blessing and eternity a promise. I love the way you phrased that!

  4. Dell,
    I rarely come on here but you popped in my mind and I thought I’d come see how you were. We have had this diagnosis hit our home too in my husband. God is so good and we have come through with a new appreciation for prayer of the fellow saints and the Lord’s gift of wisdom in medicine, herbs, and ultimately His gift of healing. His mercies are new every morning…. even in dancing blades of grass. I will be praying for you. Love, Dusti

    • Thank you, Dusti! I’ll just prayed for your husband as well, and will continue to do so! You are right–this does give fresh appreciation for prayer of fellow saints and all the Lord’s gifts to us!

  5. Oh Dell! I recently switched blog readers, and somehow missed several of your posts…I was spending some time this afternoon catching up…and am just now seeing this one. I had no idea! But, I just have to say, your perspective through this, and your confidence in God’s goodness is so encouraging!! I am praying for you…and your family as you all endure this storm.

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